Reflective lecture.

Yesterday we had a lecture on reflection and being a reflective teacher. It's actually listed in the QTS standards about the need to be reflective, so, needless to say, reflect is what we did. It was actually quite an odd experience which is why I'm writing about it today rather than yesterday when I was still rather strung out from it. It brought up a lot of old feelings that I really, really didn't want to bring up again. I'm going to share some of the results I had.


First off we had to write, just free-write, what we were feeling starting with "In the last 2 weeks":

In the last two weeks, I have made friends, after my last uni. experience I never thought I could go through this again. It was ****. It got better towards the end but....yeah. I'm enjoying it this time but I'm so scared I'm not going to make it, that I'll fail and let myself and my family down, but mostly myself. I'm so damn tired. I need to go running, paint, scream, whatever. Just to clear my head.

Then we had to choose one group of words from that and continue.

I never thought I could go through this again, I'm so scared I'm not going to make it. What if I crack up again? What if I **** up again? Right now I hate myself for thinking like this, I'm trying to stay positive.  Adapt and overcome. That's the mantra that keeps going through my head.

Keep smiling, one day you'll believe it.

Then we had to use the following sentences:

I am...
I am a teacher of...
Who feels...
Who fears...
Who has...
Who would like... 

And add 3 words/adjectives:


I am loyal, supportive, scared
I am a teacher of Modern Foreign Languages (not overly creative!)

Who feel tired, motivated, proud
Who fears failure, failure, loneliness
Who has been successful in overcoming myself
Who would like to trust, to help, to like myself.

What are the three things that I need to get me through this year?


Self-confidence
A dictionary
To eat well.

So that's me in a nutshell at the moment. I'm over-tired and over-stressed and it's only week 2. Fantastic.